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“It was the Icelandic economy’s dying request to have its ashes spread across Europe.” I found the joke funny at least.
With house prices soaring, there’s a 4 bedroom townhouse in our complex selling for $237k – cheap in comparison to what a detached would cost. It’s on the corner of Gananoque and Shelter Bay here in Mississauga. I expressed a desire to switch from our 3 bedroom but the idea was nixed by Ruth.
Ruth, Kaylah and I all went out for a bike ride last night with Kaylah in her bike trailer. We really do love the neighborhood. It’s great having the trails so easily accessible and close by. Ruth was raised in a “bike riding family” – they went out on bike rides for leisure. My family was a “horse riding family” – we would ride horses through trails in the countryside. It’s no wonder Ruth and I hit it off and got married. Now Kaylah is being added to the mix, and with her absolute fascination with her tricycles I have no doubt she’ll carry on the tradition.
Invest with Me
Pssst I have an investment for just you that returns 8% compounded monthly and there’s NO RISK! The fund is called “MMR Financial Holdings”. Expanded out it’s called “Make Me Rich Holdings” where investors give me money, I spend it lavishly on boats and houses for myself, and in return I provide them with an account statement telling them they’re earning gobs of money. Because they can’t find a better return elsewhere and because they never cash out, I keep printing bigger numbers on their so-called account statement and spend the it all on myself.
I don’t provide an investment prospectus and I’m certainly not registered with any pesky, bureaucratic securities commission. In fact, just make the cheque out to “Cash” and it’ll be deposited right away. I found a printer template online that can be used to make up bogus account statements and can include legitimate securities that I’ve pretended to buy on your behalf.
Does it help if I tell you this is a limited time offer? Do I need to remind you that this is just between you and me? Hey! I’m doing you a favour. And although I appear to make no commissions or fees from the exchange – trust me – us financial advisors always find a way to get paid.
Why would you be suspicious?
To the mean, boys!
When things are going well, you have to expect they’ll get worse. And no matter how bad things are going, expect them to get better. For large enough populations (say one) this appears to be a universal constant.
As the good book says, “This too, shall pass.” So ask yourself: are things going to get better or worse?
For me, things are going awesome. So I should prepare for the worst. Ride the wave until you hit the rocks, I always say.
Some Folks Don’t Deserve Kids
Last week was a bad one for stories about kids. I started to read The Economist article on Gendercide and didn’t get past the first column. Killing baby girls hit home. While watching CTV a Korean couple let their child starve to death while surfing on the internet at a cafe. They even had a photo of the malnourished child. Every once in a while some parent kills their children to get back at their ex (Jamacian Voodoo boyfriend) or murders their kids because they’re about to commit suicide (though arguably at age 14 the kid could have survived without them) and it all comes back to this: some folks don’t deserve kids.
They released home videos of Jaycee, the child abducted for 20 years and bore two children by her creepy sex-offender tent-dungeon-master. I’m sure Jaycee was a lovely mother, but the father of her children should have been sexually modified long ago.
I didn’t want to watch the news. Piles of bodies included babies in some African genocide attempt. I didn’t even try to find out which country it was. The fewer details the better.
Humans are cruel. Humans are stupid. Humans do horrible things and even feel justified when they do them.
What hope do we have?
Run, White Boy, Run
At every Go Train stop, there will be several stragglers running for the train. Perhaps hundreds of people get on at every stop, and 3-5 will be runners. Those,in suits or high heels, willing to sacrifice their dignity and pose to just make a break for it in a final, desperate attempt to be on time. Should they make it, they will be awash with Olympic victory and revelation. Should they fail…
Should they ascend the platform steps only to see the gates of heaven close in their faces, you will see a look up utter despair and destruction of resolve. They can only look into the eyes of those who successfully made it . We, on the train, know what they’re thinking. We’ve been there. We’re glad we’re not they. Inwardly we laugh.
Is this what heaven is? A place where no matter how dull or uninspiring the train might be, it still is better than where those who failed to make it, stand. Those who didn’t pass the test. Those who didn’t follow the Go Train rules.
The sinners.
Kaylah Should Get the Vote
Blacks. Women. Natives. It’s time for kids to get to vote. There is an injustice in Canada and elsewhere where intelligent, free-thinkers are unable to choose the way in which they are governed. For the moment, I’m probably under the mistaken belief that I came up with the idea on my own. But why is the age a factor when intelligence is not?
Suppose you needed money. Instead of say, going out and getting a job you instead, decided to sell your children into slavery. Should the kid get a say? Maybe? Well that’s what we’re doing when we run large government deficits. And that’s why we should give kids the vote.
Perhaps my example is a little extreme. But we are setting them up with a mortgage for a nice big house that we’ll live in until they’re old enough to start paying it down. And hey! We’ll give them some space until the stair well until they’re old enough for the master bedroom. But they might not even want this big house. They might like a little house that doesn’t have expensive heating bills or crippling property taxes. So maybe we should ask them.
That’s why kids should get a vote.
Experiments on Children
A recurring theme on the hit TV shows Fringe is Doctor Bishop’s unethical and frightful experiments on children in years past. Occasionally he comments on some of his failed experiments and the people affected by them with a very dry and calloused “The university settled with him – he probably never had to work a day in his life.” Ruth and I watch it religiously for its humour and its twisted reality that’s unique in today’s television environment.
So imagine my surprise when Ruth took a phone call from the University of Toronto (Mississauga) to perform music experiments on my child. Ruth looked so cool about it, so heartless, so Doctor Bishop. It’s okay, Ruth would no doubt say. These are music experiments. They won’t hurt Kaylah.
Doctor Bishop I’m sure would say the exact same thing. Did she research the school to determine if it follows the ethical treatment of children? Will Kaylah be pushed into another dimension? Will she one day find herself wrapped in her alternate universe’s version of her body in a surreal, fantastic manipulation of the space-time continuum?
But that’s what music does, silly, she defends. It broadens your horizons and pushes the boundaries of your consciousness.
So does LSD.
Give’er your O-Face
That’s right – that face of unsurpassed elation. That face of excitement. That face of release. Give’er your Olympics face.
Because right now is the sports event of a LIFETIME (if your life span is < 2 years, like say, an insect). That’s right, every two years is a Olympic event (summer or winter) where the entire country comes together to care about sports they otherwise don’t. If it weren’t for the Olympics, who would watch bob-sledding or skiing or even speed skating? Does TSN even cover them in non-election years?
I love the Olympics. It’s the time where I can catch up on all the masters of such athletic events as curling, luge (similar to tobogganing but for adults and with curves) and cross country skiing (but with a gun). Men and women you could otherwise pass without noticing, after selling you copper piping at your local Rona, a Canadian Olympic star.
Opposition parties are morally indignified for our athletes. Media gets two weeks of unsurpassed fluff. Coworkers have something to talk about.
We all win. We’re all winners.
Ode to Saint Valentine
Are you aware that Valentine’s Day is approaching? There are some who hate the holiday. Some who dread it. And even some who forget it exists, much to the disgust of their wives.
It tends to be male orchestrated, as women prefer to be its target and not the one with the bow. Indeed it’s almost unfair (from a gender perspective) that there isn’t any corresponding Lust Day where women target the men for what they really, really want. No, women alone enjoy this holiday, aimed at by their respective romantic partners, and where flowers and chocolates are the arrows of choice.
Father’s Day cancels Mother’s Day, birthdays cancel birthdays, Christmas is for all. Valentine’s Day is for women, and men enjoy no equal. We fail miserably at its giving or mistake it for Lust day highlighted above. We are, as men, being short-changed.
Saint Valentine, where ever you are, know this: when I get to heaven I am totally kicking your ass.
Mediocre Failures
A couple of weeks ago I had almost posted how well I was doing. Commonwealth Bank shares were up 25%. Tidewater was up 7%, Bombardier was up almost 20% and with exception of Precision Drilling, I was up quite a bit of money. This week, not so much.
Commonwealth is down, though I’ve bought more. Tidewater came out with reduced earnings that missed expectations and I sold Bombardier today for a 17.6% profit. The TSX went down 8% and has since recovered some of the losses. In summary, the markets are no man’s friend for long.
Have I mentioned investing is dull and boring? Waiting for quarterly reports is hardly actively doing anything.
I need to find a real hobby.
